Keys
to Happiness 2 - Self-Acceptance
Do
you Love yourself?
This
has to be the goal. This has to be that which is the most
important thing in your life. If you achieve nothing in this
life apart from learning to Love yourself, you will have achieved
everything.
That's
all well and good and sounds wonderfully inspiring but that
word 'Love' causes us a bit of a problem because it means
different things to different people. It even means different
things to the same people on different occasions.
Is
the Love you feel for a romantic partner the same as the Love
you feel for your children? Is the Love you feel for your
children the same as the Love you feel for your siblings or
parents? Is that the same as the Love you feel for close friends?
Is any of that anything like how you feel when your heart
goes out to a stranger who's circumstances touch you in some
deep way?
An
easier way to uncover what this mystery of Love is is to ask
yourself this question. "How do I know when I'm loved?"
Is it in someone's words, or their touch, their gentleness
with your body or your mind? Is it in their encouragement
or support? Is it in their total and unconditional acceptance
of you no matter what you do?
Loving
yourself isn't going out and spending money on you - though
this may be a consequence of Loving yourself.
Loving
yourself isn't about telling the world how wonderful you are
- though a consequence of Loving yourself may well be that
the world discovers how wonderful you are.
Loving
yourself doesn't mean always putting your needs first - though
you may discover that satisfying your own needs first frees
your mind to assist others in achieving what they would like
to achieve.
Loving
yourself is nothing more and nothing less than a total acceptance
of you doing whatever you are doing, achieving whatever you
have achieved, and not judging yourself for anything you have
done.
There
is no place in Love for criticism or judgement.
There
is no place in Love for guilt.
Move
rather to a place where you can acknowledge what works and
what doesn't. What works is what produces the desired outcome
without harm - mentally or physically, to anyone else. If
something doesn't work then do something else - no beating
up, no negative self-talk about being stupid, thick, careless,
idiot, hopeless, failure, unsuccessful…
Just
notice that you tried something, it didn't achieve the results
you anticipated, so try something else. And bear in mind that
old saying 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll
always get what you've always got'. If nothing seems to work,
if you never seem to achieve what you desire then all it means
is that you've been taught thinking patterns that aren't beneficial
to you and you need to learn new thinking patterns. There
are plenty of books, people, and courses that will assist
you in that.
Consider
that whatever your life circumstances, it's your thinking
that got you there. If you like them - great, if you don't,
you need to think differently.
Judgement
has no value here. All self-judgement does is make you feel
bad. That never helps. At least it never helps if you want
to feel good. Happy people tend to feel good, so doing anything
that makes you feel bad is inconsistent with a desire to uncover
the secrets of happiness.
Did
you know that in some countries it's not only dangerous but
also illegal to drive on the left hand side of the road?
Did
you know that in some countries it's not only dangerous but
also illegal to drive on the right hand side of the road?
Now
tell me whether it's right or wrong to drive on the left.
Now
tell me whether it's bad or good to drive on the right.
It's
ok to want life to be different, but you won't get it by hating
how life is right now. That just creates more of what life
is like right now because all of your mind energy is focused
on what you hate. Focus your mind energy on acknowledging
that you've always done the best you knew how - even when
it didn't produce the results you desired. Especially when
it didn't produce the results other people desired for you.
You
won't change your body shape permanently by hating the way
it is. You will change it permanently by loving it and seeking
to nourish it and care for it and wanting it to be healthy
and fit.
Do
you feel loved when people make time for you?
Do
you feel loved by people who have no time for you?
In
order to learn to love yourself there has to be time for you.
You
are a wonderful person and you have skills, talents, insights,
and abilities that are special to you. These gifts may not
be judged by others to be the best, but they probably drive
on the other side of the road, and so can be ignored. Yes
it matters what other people think. But it doesn't matter
anywhere near as much as what you think.
In
the early days of developing my photographic skills and talent
someone close to me was a little disparaging about work that
I was pleased with. I could have given up. But I didn't and
I achieved my dream of getting my work on the cover of a magazine
that was on sale all over the country.
If
no one else believes in you, then you have no right to walk
away from you too. Just imagine how lonely a 6 year old can
be when no one wants to be their friend. Doesn't your heart
go out if you see a child all alone and obviously lonely in
the playground? That's what you do to yourself every time
you give up on you. That's what you do to yourself every time
you criticise or judge yourself.
Total
acceptance is your intention. It doesn't matter how many times
you act in a way that's at odds with your intention. The only
thing that matters is that each time you remind yourself "What
I'm doing here is inconsistent with my intention to accept
and love myself". That's all you need to do.
Achievement
isn't the goal.
Keeping
your intention foremost is.
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