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Food
- An Alternative to Emotions?
Emotion:
a moving of the feelings: agitation of the mind: one of the
three groups of the phenomena of the mind - feeling, distinguished
from cognition and will.
Food:
what one feeds on: that which, being digested, nourishes the
body: whatever sustains or promotes growth.
No
obvious connection there, is there?
My
dictionary doesn't make a distinction between emotions and
feelings, but some psychologists do, so I'll be more clear
about the sort of thing I'm writing about here: hurt, upset,
sadness, anger, grief, and maybe even boredom if it is accompanied
by an irritation about the boredom. There are positive emotions,
but they generally don't cause problems - unless maybe you're
on a permanent high and can't get down.
Let's
think about lions for a moment. They lounge around in the
sun most of the time. When they get hungry, they go and kill
something and eat it until they are full. Then they lounge
around until they are hungry again and amuse themselves by
fighting among themselves or driving off other lions. They
don't go out and kill something for something to do because
they are bored. They don't go out and kill something because
they are angry, or sad. They eat when they need to eat, and
they don't even need to eat every day. Can you imagine a lioness
going out and killing and eating every time her partner growled
at her? Can you imagine a lioness going out and killing and
eating every time her cubs became a little boisterous?
Ok.
Lions probably don't experience emotions and they are much
more focused in the now, but they probably don't get overweight
and suffer heart and circulation problems either.
So
why do people do those things?
Why
do people head for the fridge when someone has done something
they didn't like? Why do people head for the fridge when they
feel lonely?
Why do people head for the fridge when the commercial break
starts or the clock says 'supper time'?
Why
do they do those things regardless of whether or not they
feel hungry. And it's difficult to imagine how someone could
feel hungry after eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner - isn't
it?
They
do it because they don't want to feel.
They do it because they are afraid of what will happen if
they don't.
They do it because it distracts them from being fully present
with themselves.
And
they do that because they don't really like themselves, and
they certainly don't love themselves.
No
one who loves themselves would mistreat their body in any
way, because love doesn't mistreat. Love and health are synonymous.
As
children we naturally express how we feel from moment to moment.
I feel sick, I don't like that, I've got a headache, my tummy
hurts, I'm bored… and when we feel angry we shout and
stamp our feet and walk away. But as we grow we are taught
that good children don't do those things. It's not polite
to tell aunty you don't like her cakes when she's spent all
afternoon making them 'specially for you. If you shout at
me I'll give you a smack. Idle hands are the devil's playthings.
So we are taught to lie about how we feel, to not express
when we are deeply unhappy, that anger is unacceptable, and
that sitting contentedly, happy in our own mental world of
fascination and creativity, is unacceptable.
And
then after getting screwed up like that (because our parents
feel pressure to socialise us and make us acceptable to others
- because they understand loneliness and don't want you to
develop any traits that would cause you to be rejected by
others) they feed you when you are no longer
obviously expressing your unhappiness. They
know something is wrong by your change of mood, and they don't
like seeing you unhappy so they feed you. Chocolate, sweets,
ice cream, cream cakes are all foods that are used to entice
you into a better mood state. Notice that apples, pears, oranges,
nuts, tomatoes and such are never used to entice you to change
your mood state.
When
you are ill, you get treats, all the same foods filled with
fat and sugar.
Now
when we are little our parents and close relatives are Gods.
They are all-wise. They can read our minds. They can work
magic. And so what they teach us is stored deep within our
minds and we call on it in times of trouble.
Times
of trouble are usually when we feel low, or bored.
We
have been taught that eating fat and sweet takes the pain
away. At least that's what we act as if we've been taught.
But there was a processing error in our young minds. What
we really got, and really wanted was love and attention and
appreciation. The treat was just the medium that transported
and expressed that feeling of being loved and cared for. But
we mistook it.
The
reason we go to the fridge is because it reminds us of being
loved and cared for. It reminds us of loving arms around us;
being tucked up in bed; having someone come up with ideas
of how to have some fun together with them; having someone
stroke your hair; and those are wonderful things to have experienced
as a child. To know and to feel loved at any time during life
is a wonderful experience.
You
can change the pattern if you want to.
You
just need to experience the emotion that has been buried.
You need to let it out and let it go.
Writing
is a wonderful medium for releasing emotion. Make a pact with
yourself that every time you head for the fridge and you have
no feelings of hunger that you will sit down for just five
minutes and write. What you write is what you feel. Start
off with 'I feel… …right now' and insert whatever
you are feeling - bored, lonely, unloved, fed-up and so on.
And then write 'this feels like the time when…' and allow
your mind to drift back into the past and write out whatever
comes up. Write down who did what when and why. Write down
who you're angry at. Write down what you'd like to say now
or what you should have said then and keep going until you
get tears. Until you touch the emotional hot spot that causes
tears to flow you will not bring about any significant change.
Once the tears flow you can stop writing and rip up the paper.
Language and grammar are unimportant; no one will read your
words.
Make
eating a conscious activity.
It's
ok to feel however you feel. No one has the right to deny
you the full and natural expression of your emotions. But
you do need to take responsibility for you. Expressing your
emotions isn't hitting, hurting, or seeking revenge on another.
It is giving yourself permission to feel however
you are feeling and giving yourself permission to express
how you are feeling to anyone that you feel it's important
to express those feelings to. It is not an excuse to blame
someone else for how you feel. Your feelings are yours, and
why you are feeling them is your stuff. Others only fire off
emotions so that you can identify a problem and heal it. They
are not to blame for how you feel - and neither are you.
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