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Hypnosis
and the treatment of the agoraphobic eleven
Agoraphobia:
fear of the market place.
…not,
as many people imagine, a fear of open spaces.
There
are no phobias that are fun to have, but agoraphobia is one
of the worst, simply because it's almost impossible to avoid
the object of fear on a day to day basis. This is because
the object of fear is Life itself. Fear of Life manifested
as a fear of social encounters; a fear of being trapped; a
fear of feeling foolish; a fear of looking foolish; fear of
humiliation…
Another
deadly aspect of agoraphobia is the speed with which it develops
to the point of the sufferer being afraid to leave the house
alone. Often its onset is started by a panic attack - in itself
frightening enough, without this possible consequence. The
closing in of a personal world within a matter of weeks is
a terrifying experience, and one that friends and relatives
find almost impossible to understand and to cope with.
I
have observed eleven factors that are frequently present with
agoraphobia:
1.
Low self-esteem
2. Lack of interest in job
3. Lack of a creative outlet
4. Insecurity
5. Lack of individuation
6. Insecurity in Relationship
7. Strong dependence
8. Fear of the cure
9. Nothing to live for
10. Lack of play/fun
11. Lack of regular exercise
Addressing
these items under hypnosis and working towards bringing about
change in The Eleven is the key to releasing the imprisoning
fear.
Low
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem has turned into a bit of a buzzword these days.
However, from an agoraphobic's perspective it is something
that needs to be discussed. And for the purposes of this discussion
it's going to mean: how important you think you are in relation
to others.
Now,
if you think you are about as important as a worm (I'm a gardener
so I, along with Charles Darwin, happen to think that worms
are hugely important), you're not going to want to mix with
anyone else, because they'll be able to see how unimportant
you are. You can see it, so it's got to be clear to everyone
else. This alone is a good reason to avoid others. But I'd
like to point out that just because you can see it
doesn't mean everyone else can. You can see your dreams -
but no one else can!
Everyone
wants to feel important. From a Mum getting a spontaneous
hug from her child, or a thank you for a well-cooked meal,
to a degree ceremony with a huge audience - we all like to
have at least someone recognise and honour our worth. Consequently
we will avoid circumstances that make us feel unimportant.
If we feel less important than everyone, then we will avoid
everyone. If we need an excuse, because our avoidance behaviour
itself is socially unacceptable, then our wonderful, self-protective
subconscious mind will come up with a solution - it might
even create a socially acceptable (i.e. medically identifiable)
health problem.
Lack
of Job Interest.
In my experience most people don't enjoy their livelihoods.
To the majority what they do is ok, but not what they would
do if they had a free choice. And at the lower wage end of
the employment world, work is seen largely as drudgery - something
necessary in order to pay the bills and just survive until
it's time to draw a pittance of a pension, or until life is
over.
Work
is often a trap. An individual somehow ending up doing what
they do without knowing quite how it happenened,, it pays
well, they used to like it, now they don't, but as the salary
increased the lifestyle improved with it and the financial
outgoings increased to keep pace until life is lived in a
certain amount of luxury. So the job is tolerated, but the
pressure and stress increase because the financial pressure
is too strong to give it up and do something fun for a lower
salary. Again you are trapped trying to survive; probably
at this point with a spouse and children who would not be
pleased were you to substantially reduce their affluent life-style.
Lack
of Creative Outlet
This I have identified as a key element in psychological problems.
Changing just this one aspect of life brings about profound
changes in all the other aspects without doing anything else.
We are, each of us wonderful creative beings. Each one of
us has a mind that is beautifully and wonderfully imaginative.
But what happens is that we are frequently taught that our
creations are not good enough. I see this reflected in the
eyes of so many who come to see me for help. Let me give you
an example from my own childhood - Art. My drawing skills
are still around the level of a five year old, they never
developed beyond that. I remember many hours, right up until
age 15, in art classes. But I was rubbish. I have identified
two problems. Lack of encouragement and lack of teaching.
I never once in all those years of art classes saw a teacher
demonstrate a technique, show anyone how they could improve
their work, or give a word of praise to anyone whose work
wasn't already high quality. All art teachers did was to state
what was to be drawn/painted, and then select the most 'life-like'
to go on the wall.
This
lack of encouragement for demonstrating our unique view of
the world; the lack of praise for an effort that is the very
best we could produce given our personal skills abilities,
and eyesight; the lack of being lovingly shown, without criticism
for what we've already achieved, a better way to achieve what
WE want to achieve, rather than what someone else wants us
to achieve; is the source of much pain and failure in later
life.
I've
since discovered that with the right teacher anyone who wants
to enough can be an artist at an acceptable level. And the
right teacher is one who demolishes the barriers to success
that we carry within. The right teacher is one who knows that
we can do what we want to do, but we are afraid to do it.
The right teacher allows, praises, and encourages pure expression
of self.
Creativity
isn't just about art. Art is just an example. Cooking a meal
with love and arranging it beautifully on the plate is a work
of creativity. Planning or planting a garden or a window box
is a creative act. Walking down the road and daydreaming is
a creative act. Starting a business is a creative act. Putting
together a jigsaw, or solving a crossword puzzle are creative
acts. Writing an article for an ezine, or designing a web
page, are creative activities. Creativity is putting you out
into the world and changing that world, making that world
different, either in your dreams or for real. Your creativity
doesn't have to be better than anyone else's. It just needs
to express YOU.
If
you do nothing else after reading this, add a few moments
of creativity to your world every day.
Insecurity
This shows up as a lack of feeling safe in your world. It
can manifest as an unhealthy obedience to, and fear of, authority
figures - like parents, teachers, employers, and supervisors.
It can show itself as an inability to say 'no' when you really
want to say 'no' but you feel guilty about letting someone
down, or think that because someone asks you have to say 'yes',
because they will think badly of you or stop liking you if
you say 'no'. In truth if you start to say 'no' when you want
to, you will find that people like you more because they value
your honesty, and they know that when you say yes you really
mean it and are a genuinely willing participant.
Lack
of Individuation.
This is a nice way of saying you never really grew up. But
telling someone they haven't grown up can be perceived as
an insult. What this means is that you may well have had over-protective
parents who were fearful of your safety, and in your best
interests they prevented you from taking those risks - like
getting lost, falling out of a tree, exploring a graveyard
at night, staying out a little later than was safe - that
children actually need to take in order to discover that although
their world can be a frightening place at times, they need
to experience those fears AND discover that they can survive
them and be whole and alive and ok. You even need to fail
publicly as a child and feel embarrassed and learn that this
too is a survivable event. This is what I mean by 'growing
up'. I have to admit that falling out of a tree, as an adult,
is a lot more physically risky than doing it as a child. And
if you've already arrived at severe agoraphobia then the graveyard
at night time is probably a no-no. So go back to creativity
and just imagine yourself doing those things that were forbidden
as too risky, even though all your friends were doing them
and you just ended up feeling isolated and alone. Imagine
how your world might be different now, if you'd done those
things then.
Insecurity
In Relationships.
You know you're with the wrong partner, you know the relationship
you're in isn't working, yet you are terrified of being alone.
You aren't loveable, so you'd better put up with what you
get, because if you give this up, there won't be anyone else
and you'll spend the rest of your life alone and die all alone.
This
is what the fear says. And while you believe what it says
it's perfectly true. You will be alone if you give up what
you've got. Not because you aren't loveable, but because you
believe it. Beliefs aren't truths. But if you believe you
aren't loveable that's what the world will see, someone who
doesn't love themselves. And if you can't love yourself no
one else will. But you might be seen as vulnerable and consequently
find yourself being used when you thought you were being loved.
Seems
a bit harsh that, but agoraphobia is what you do to yourself
when your world becomes so intolerable that you'll go insane
if you don't find a way to escape from it. And that's exactly
what your subconscious mind does, without your permission;
it creates a way for you to escape. What it creates isn't
pleasant, but it means you don't have to face anyone who might
see the truth of you - that you aren't loveable, or clever,
or artistic, or have any value whatsoever.
Dependence.
In a loving relationship with a caring partner, there is often
an unhealthy dependence. This is frequently because of the
partner's need to be needed. This is the most difficult aspect
I face treating this problem, because the partner's need to
be needed resists, and occasionally even sabotages, the changes
that I'm trying to bring about.
This
problem is again born from your childhood if you were raised
with:
- Parents who, because of their own beliefs about what was
in your best interests, failed to ensure that you experienced
the world in safe ways - on your own.
- An early life that didn't provide you with challenges to
overcome.
- Parent's, teachers, significant adults who found it difficult
to watch you fail (and learn) and gave constant correction
or took over when a task wasn't being completed fast enough
or accurately enough.
- Adults who were over-critical, creating this feeling of
inadequacy that leaves you with a sense of 'I can't do it
on my own' I need you there 'just in case…'
Fear
of the Cure.
At the end of the day, if you want to be free of this problem,
you know that you will be able to go out whenever and wherever
you want. You will have to go out alone. You will have to
go shopping in supermarkets, go to theatres, travel in trains
and planes. You will have to make decisions and choices for
yourself. You will have to do things that others may look
at and judge unfavourably.
Right
now, in the safety of the fear, all of those things seem horrific
and just thinking about them will produce an intense anxiety
re-action simply because you can't see how you can get from
where you are to where you want to be without lots of pain.
So it's probably safer to stay where you are.
Nothing
to Live For.
If there is no interest in life, no fascination for the world,
or an aspect of it, no joy, or pleasure; if every morning
when you wake, your waking thought is 'Oh no! How will I get
through today.'; if every moment of that day is longing for
nighttime and the oblivion of sleep; then you will experience
no drive to be well. If you want to change, if you
want to be free of this incapacitating fear that is destroying
your life, then you have to want freedom. You have to want
it more than you want to stay in bed. You have to want it
more than you want to sleep.
Lack
of Play/Fun.
What do young children do more than anything else - play.
They turn everything into a game as long as they are contented.
What don't adults get much of? Play. You need to play. You
need to be playful in your approach to life. Life can be serious
all on its own. It doesn't need your help. You can have fun
and it won't mind. When was the last time you had a good laugh?
When was the last time you knocked a ball around without trying
to win or beat anyone? When was the last time you flew a kite
without needing to have a bigger/better/faster/more colourful
kite than everyone else? When was the last time you made a
mud pie? When was the last time you wore a funny hat?
Lack
of Regular Exercise.
Lack of regular exercise - for obvious reasons is also a factor
of significance. Exercise releases endorphins, which raise
your mood state. It lets your body know you care about it
and a sense of routine is always important to the healing
of any psychological illness.
Healing
with Hypnosis.
Hypnosis
is wonderful because it can make the healing process easier.
It can make the healing process easier without losing sight
of the fact that at the end of the day you are going to be
doing what terrifies you right now. Because with hypnosis
it's all in the mind. Your fear is all in your mind. Your
fear arises out of your thoughts and your thoughts arise from
your beliefs and ideas about you and your world. Your fear
comes from your deep subconscious mind and this is the area
that hypnosis can impact. You are still going to have to walk
out of the door on your own one day, and you may still feel
a little anxious, but you'll do it and feel good about having
succeeded and each success will build on the next and the
next until you look back on this period of your life as an
interesting excursion into the Shadow energies within your
mind.
A
course of treatment for agoraphobia, with a hypnotherapist,
should deal hypnotically with each of the areas that I've
addressed. Because without bringing about change to the underlying
causes, you haven't affected a cure, you've just treated the
symptoms - the way many drugs do. And the problem will re-emerge
at some point; maybe in a different form such as a physical
illness.
None
of the problem areas that I've highlighted can prevent you
from getting better if you really want to get better and are
willing to do what is necessary to get better. This might
mean taking a risk like going on your own to visit a good
hypnotherapist. And even if you can't do that initially and
need to start with home visits, it would be a goal to hold
in mind.
Whatever
is going on for you is going on because your subconscious
mind believes it to be in your best interest. With hypnosis
we gain direct access to the subconscious and can suggest
that what it is doing is actually not as helpful as it thinks
it is and that we wish to enlist its support in bringing about
change.
Curing
agoraphobia is not a rapid process. It takes many hypnosis
sessions and progress is slow - but easy. It is slow because
with each change you have to re-adapt and become comfortable
with that change in order to be ready for the next. Each step
is a small one so there is never any sense of being overwhelmed.
This is why we don't focus on the end result because that's
too frightening. We focus on today and what we can change
today in line with experiencing a freedom for the future.
During treatment you are in control. One of the problems with
agoraphobia is a fear of loss of control. You control the
pace of improvement to one that you are comfortable with.
Hypnosis
isn't a magic wand that will make everything go away in a
flash. But it is a magic wand that makes the process of healing
gentle and caring and never takes away your sense of achievement
at having accomplished the shift from hiding away at home
to being free and comfortable and confident out in the world.
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