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Seven
Steps to Good Mental Health
Psychological
well-being is something that we all have a right to. However,
for a variety of reasons to do with upbringing, life experiences,
physiology, environment and so on… we often find ourselves
with a mind-state other than what we desire. Depression, anxiety,
and stress seem to be the major obstacles to just feeling
good - judging by the number of visits to doctors for help
with these problems.
It
doesn't really matter what the label is for your particular
problem, if you follow the seven steps diligently, there will
be an improvement in your general feeling of well being.
The
Seven Steps are:
1.
Acceptance
2. Releasing guilt
3. Expressing Appreciation
4. Physical exercise
5. Creative activity
6. Right livelihood
7. Meditation
They
need to be taken in sequence. Total mastery is not required,
but the time to move on is when you feel, or get a sense,
that some movement has taken place within your mind. Psychological
shifts are felt with a lightness, better sleep, smiling, singing,
noticing beauty around you, wanting to do something different,
spring cleaning…
Acceptance:
Acceptance is the single most important step to take. Acceptance
is giving up being a victim. Acceptance is giving up giving
up. Acceptance is a declaration of intent to move forward
with life rather than continue to stagnate and blame circumstances
or individuals for how things are.
Acceptance
is the shift towards accepting that whatever is going on in
your life is your responsibility. It is recognising that you
are where you are because of the choices you have made in
life. And if this means that you have to accept the crazy
idea that you made a choice to suffer from a physical illness,
then you do just that - accept it. Acceptance is no longer
fighting. Once you no longer fight, you no longer resist.
Once you no longer resist you can move with the flow.
Every
single thing, big or small, good or bad, you simply say to
yourself "I accept that this is going on for me right
now". You don't have to like it. You don't have to keep
it forever. You just have to accept it in the present moment
if it's there.
The
truth is that it's there whether or not you accept it. So
by accepting you are not making things worse, because you've
already got it. You are just changing your position in relation
to it.
Accept
also that the thinking that got you where you are is unlikely
to get you out - otherwise it would have already done so.
You need to think differently. Acceptance is thinking differently.
Acceptance is approaching the problem with wisdom. If you
are so frightened you can't go outside without a companion,
and even then you are terrified, then just accept that that's
the way you are right now. You don't have to understand why
you are like that, you just need to acknowledge it. "I
am too frightened to go out right now, so I'll stay in";
"I'm really worried about my new boss right now, but
that's okay, worry is a natural event in the face of difficult
circumstances"; "I feel really depressed, but that's
okay, it's just my mind's way of preparing me for change".
You can always find something to say to yourself that is accepting.
Releasing
Guilt:
Guilt is something we are taught to experience. It is unnatural.
Guilt can be experienced in the form: I did something I shouldn't
have done and now I feel bad; or I didn't do something I should
have done and now I feel bad; either way this is a self-created
guilt. Or it can be induced "you should feel bad because…"
when you behaved in a way that someone disapproved of; or
in the form "well I was planning on going out tonight
and I almost never go out with my mates and you go out all
the time, but if you really want to go out, then I'll stay
in… don't think there's much on telly…".
Whatever
you did or didn't do is done or not done. Feeling bad about
it can't undo it. This style of guilt is a belief in a Time
Machine. It is engaging in fantasy. What is in the past is
in the past. Either own up and take the consequences, or don't.
Choose which it is to be and then consign the experience to
the past where it belongs and shift your attention to the
present moment.
Emotional
blackmail is the other way guilt is commonly experienced.
Just stop playing that game. If you accept responsibility
for your own feelings, then you must allow others to do the
same. Do what you want to do and as long as you are not physically
or psychologically harming others then that's ok. Someone
sulking because you are having more fun than them won't do
them any harm. When you give in to emotional blackmail you
are effectively walking round with a big sign on your back
saying - Abuse me, I don't mind.
Expressing
Appreciation:
This is one of the most difficult steps to master, so remember
mastery is not the goal. The real problem with expressing
appreciation is that many people feel uncomfortable when appreciation
is expressed for something they have done "it was nothing",
"don't mention it", "anyone would have done
it".
Let's
say you decide to buy a gift for someone you love (not a sexual
partner, a friend) just so they know how important they are
in your life. You spend a lot of time choosing the gift. You
wrap it beautifully and present it to them. They take one
look and hand it back. How would you feel? Most people would
feel at least a little hurt.
Appreciation
is a gift.
Appreciation
is a gift of love.
When
someone does something for you that you like - let them know.
Write an e-mail, send a letter, give a bigger tip, say something
more than the ritual "thank you" - "thank you
that was nice", "I really enjoyed…", "you
are very thoughtful"…
Money
is a wonderful way to express appreciation. Buy from those
whom you appreciate. Send donations. Offer payment where none
is expected.
And
as you start to express appreciation more and more in your
life you will find one day that when someone offers that gift
of appreciation to you, you will not reject it you will accept
it with "thanks, that's really nice of you to say".
Physical
Exercise:
However much exercise you get you can always increase it.
There is much truth in the old adage - A healthy mind in a
healthy body.
Exercise
is the expression of appreciation for your beautiful body.
Your body is such a miraculous creation - so complex, so incredibly
amazing - that it would be a rejection at the deepest level
for you to ignore its physical well-being. It doesn't matter
how unfit you are. You can always exercise more than you are
doing. Exercise releases endorphins. You feel better after
exercise. The benefits are cumulative. It provides more oxygen
to the brain, creates more alertness, awakens the immune system
and so makes it easier to fight pathogens. But most of all
it establishes a discipline and routine that is frequently
lacking when mental health is poor. This change alone will
improve the situation. Should you have any physical health
problems then seek your doctor's advice about exercise.
Creative
Activity:
Everyone is a creative being. Stifling our creative outlet
leads to poor mental health Our creativity is frequently stifled
long before we realise what is happening, and then it seems
too late because we believe what we have been told about ourselves.
Creativity is about expressing yourself in the world. If you
create a simple, badly written story with atrocious spelling
and poor grammar, then you have expressed yourself creatively.
Your creative works don't have to be seen by others. Others
tend to judge, and if you decide to create in an area where
others have much greater expertise then your creation will
not initially withstand comparison. But that doesn't mean
you shouldn't do it.
Photography
and gardening have been loves of mine since I was 14. I decided
to combine the two interests and my photographs developed
a distinctly horticultural slant. At one point I wanted to
share them with the world and offered them for sale. It was
a while before I made my first sale, and another while before
one of my pictures adorned the cover of a magazine. One day
I looked back at those first photographs I offered. I felt
embarrassed at the poor quality - compared to my later work.
But it was only by taking more and more pictures, looking
at what was being published, and constantly improving that
I achieved my dream of a picture on a magazine cover. But
the important thing was that I enjoyed what I was doing. I
didn't have to show them to the world. I didn't have
to place them in the market for comparison with others who
had much greater skill and experience than I. But I did need
to take the pictures. It was part of who I was and how I needed
to express myself. My pleasure came from the picture taking,
looking at the pictures, and constantly seeking ways to become
more skilled at my craft.
Express
yourself in something that you love to do. Show it only if
you want to, but don't stop doing it while you love what you
do.
Right
Livelihood:
In a way this follows on from the previous step. It is the
logical consequence of expressing yourself through what you
love to do.
Now
lest you are becoming concerned that I might ask you to do
something you can't do - like find another job - I never ask
anyone to do what they can't do. I might, however, ask you
to ask yourself what exactly is it that is stopping you from
doing it. At least that way you can move towards an acceptance
of the barrier to happiness.
From
time to time I ask the people I encounter "If you could
be doing anything you wanted to do, would you choose your
current livelihood?". I've yet to meet someone who answered
'yes' to that question. Those people are out there. They just
don't need to come to see me.
People
tend to either hate what they do, but it's all they can get
in the way of work; or their work is okay, but they are earning
too much money to give it up and do something fun for a living.
Look
to how you feel when you get up in the morning on a workday.
Is there any excitement or sense of anticipation or looking
forward to the challenges of the day ahead? This is a good
sign. If there is dread, a wishing for the day to be over,
tiredness, or a general lack of enthusiasm - then something
needs to change, either the work or the attitude towards it.
Go
back to step one and accept whatever it is you are engaged
in right now. Accept that you would like to be doing something
more fun but that you don't know how to bring about the change,
or you are fearful of taking the necessary steps. That's all.
As best you can find small pleasures in what you do - even
if it's just the appreciation for how the income makes life
better than life would be without that income; or appreciation
for the good feeling that comes from making a contribution
that benefits someone, somewhere.
And
then make a list of all the things you love to do.
And then write a fantasy job description for an income-generating
job doing each of the things on your list.
Then
find a way to do one of the things you love to do for free.
Meditation:
Meditation is a mind/body regenerating exercise. Aim initially
for 10 minutes once a day at a regular time and place. If
you have such a busy schedule that you haven't got 10 minutes
to spare then I'll tell you how you can create 10 minutes
out of nothing. But I know you won't do it, because "I
haven't got time for 10 minutes meditation every day"
is just an excuse to avoid coming face to face with yourself.
There
are plenty of books and articles on meditation so I won't
go into the technique here. But I would also like you to consider
that in part I am suggesting quiet space for you to relax
and let go of the busy-ness in your mind for a few minutes
on a daily basis. This is a regenerating activity.
It
is essential.
It
is rejuvenating.
It
is the most difficult step, and therefore, it has the capacity
to bring about the greatest sense of achievment.
…
and if you really want to know how to get the free 10 minutes
then you'll have to e-mail
me.
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